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Big Brother Episode 12: Mudrakers, Strippers, and Rumors

July 25th, 2013 4:30pm EDT

Big Brother Part One: A Nervous Mistake
Previously on Big Brother: The houseguests were reminded to expect the unexpected, Amanda was obsessed with Howard to an alarming degree, and Judd went the safe route by nominating Kaitlin and Aaryn.
Aaryn uses the word of the season (besides flabbergasted) “sketchy.” It’s sketchy that they have such poor command of the English language. Judd told Aaryn that she twists words in the nomination speech, but once she asks him about it, he backs out and lets her off easy. Aaryn cries. Too bad they didn’t bottle those tears. I’m sure some BB fans would use it to fend off racism.
Kaitlin has said “pawns go home all the time” way too often for somebody who has never watched the show before. Elissa is nervous because she hasn’t been called for MVP at the same time she usually does. Her nervousness is on her face, which makes people think she’s hiding something. Judd and Amanda badger her.Elissa, a much smarter player than some give her credit for, is afraid that if she doesn’t get MVP she’ll be “discarded” which is exactly what they’d do if she lost her MVP status. Amanda literally says that if Elissa doesn’t win MVP she’s no “use” to her anymore. Just in case you were wondering if Amanda is gross.The fact that Elissa’s alliance is so ready to backdoor her just proves how terrible they are at this game. You have a majority alliance and you’re going to sacrifice one of your numbers? Great game play.
Howard and Spencer talk about being outsider in the hopes of making an outsider alliance. This is a smart move, except he has the power players all wrong. He thinks that Amanda, Elissa, and Helen have all the power. Really, it’s all Amanda. Howard must have been watching the edit of the show if he thinks Helen is a power player.Howard tries to create this outside alliance with Spencer, Kaitlin, Judd, and Gina Marie. They’re saying all the right things, but in front of the wrong person. Judd is firmly with the other group and will destroy them from the insider.They name the alliance “The Grasshoppers” after one of Howard’s nonsensical rants.

Part Two: America’s MVP
The show makes it seem like Helen figured out the twist. Dear God this is not what happened. Andy is the one who kept saying it and she kept shooting it down. WHY is the show so hell bent on making her look like the mastermind?I appreciate that they had the houseguests basically explain how Aaryn and Kaitlin being on the block could make for a strange MVP nomination, just in case viewers are scratching their heads when it’s revealed. Which we should, because it wouldn’t make sense to the casual viewer. Judd wears the BEAR SHIRT to the MVP ceremony.
Elissa is the MVP nomination. She feels betrayed by her fellow houseguests, but she’s really been betrayed by America.Besides the nominees and Judd, Helen and McCrae are picked to play in the veto. The host is Andy aka Pee Wee Herman.Gina Marie goes to hug Elissa and she says “please stop” as she avoids her touch. It’s a thing of beauty. Elissa accuses GM of being MVP which is a belly laugh moment. GM tries to spell MVP in the DR and it’s embarrassing for her and us at home. Candice gives Elissa a pep talk, basically proving that she’s awesome.
Aaryn is freaked out that people will think she’s MVP and then vote her out. “Nobody would vote for me for MVP,” she says with a surprising amount of clarity.These people actually think that Elissa nominated herself. On Thursday’s live show, they should be forced to watch clips of themselves saying that so that they see how utterly stupid it is. Seriously, this may be the dumbest speculation I’ve ever seen. I might actually have become dumber just from watching it.


Part Three: Dirty Politics
Andy’s hosting hat doesn’t fit his head, making him look like a doll with a forced accessory.The veto competition is way cleverer than the houseguests probably understand. They’re pretending to be politicians digging through the mud for votes. The show must have gotten a new competition designer because they’ve been on point this season.Judd has a random DR about eating frog legs after stabbing the frog. Why would they keep that in the show? On the live feeds, Aaryn and Kaitlin complained about rigging but there’s literally no way to rig this game because everybody can go to every section of the mud to get numbers. Just another example of complaining for the sake of complaining. Aaryn smartly doesn’t want to put her face in the mud.
Can you image the screenshots being passed around the internet if she had anything that remotely looked like blackface? Judd takes solitary confinement because he wants to keep the noms the same. Elissa takes a 20 point card to not play in the next veto. It’s a risky move but completely necessary. You can’t worry about next week if you aren’t certain about surviving the current one. Helen gets a curfew of 8 p.m. for two nights.I don’t understand why McCrae is so obsessed with pizza. He thinks about his 5k in terms of how many pizzas he can buy. Good lord, he’s a loser.
Elissa wins veto with 40 points.GM tries to act hard about Elissa not playing veto next week, as if she’s going to do anything about it. She has delusions of grandeur.Judd is going to be in 24 hour solitary confinement. He’s rightfully worried about missing a whole day’s worth of gaming. But the last time a player was in solitary, he came up with a brilliant plan to save himself. If Judd’s any sort of player, he’ll take the time to think up something great.

Part Four: Womp Womp Womp
Judd and Helen’s punishment keeps them away from the game for a night and for that they should be grateful because… It’s McCrae’s birthday and Big Brother has a birthday curse that’s basically inescapable. Amanda decides to dress up “sexy” aka like a 2 p.m. hooker.
Elissa insults her one piece bath suit and says she looks like a stripper (which was the point, I believe.) They fail to mention that Elissa is drunk off her ass. “Last year on my birthday I was at my house watching live feeds all day. This year on my birthday I’m in the feeds getting spanked in the Big Brother house.”- McCrae. That’s really endearing. Elissa keeps putting her foot in her mouth. Amanda takes most of it in stride but it starts to get more and more uncomfortable, especially once Elissa says she thinks eating whipped cream off McCrae’s body would be vomit worthy. (She’s not wrong.) Amanda is the biggest shit-talker in the house so I feel no sympathy for her when she cries. She’s called Candice a big fat cow. She’s made completely racist comments.
And worst of all, she described in detail how she would like to rape and murder Elissa. She’s a vile person and I don’t feel even a little bad for her as she cries in the bathroom. Amanda expects loyalty from Elissa because she saved her from eviction. At the beginning of the episode, she openly admitted that she only cared about the MVP, not the person. She’s a hypocrite, but hey everybody’s allowed their hypocritical moments. They hand Judd a beer immediately after getting out of solitary. I spelled beer “bear” at first which I think is a sign that the bear shirt is the real star of the show. Elissa uses the veto and the other MVP nomination is Gina Marie. When Aaryn is discussing Elissa taking herself off the block, she makes it sound like the dumbest idea ever. Kaitlin still thinks that Elissa is the MVP. She should be evicted for being that dumb. “Cock-a-roaches.”-Gina Marie

Related: Big Brother, Recaps, Television, Reality, TV Networks, CBS

Photo Credits: CBS

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