Big Brother 15 Episode 15: Riddles, Paranoia, and The Land of Dinosaurs

August 1st, 2013 12:35pm EDT

Big Brother 15 Part One: Howard Is A Riddle Wrapped In Clichés

Previously on Big Brother: Amanda only had eyes for Howard, Aaryn somehow survived death’s door, Helen got an undeserved mastermind edit, and Aaryn had the world’s worst nomination speech.

Howard thinks that Elissa was one of the people to convince Aaryn to put up Howard. As a reminder, Elissa not only refused to put up Howard a few weeks ago, she also despises Aaryn with the passion of a thousand burning suns. Howard is not very astute.
Helen jumps up and down at the nominations with Aaryn like she’s a 14 year old cheerleader.
Gina Marie is wearing pink pumps with jeans and Nick’s ratty old hat.
Elissa hugs Aaryn. And in that moment, the devil felt a chill.
Amanda: “Do you know how long I’ve been trying to get Howard and Spencer on the block?” Not long enough to win your own HOH and do it yourself.
Howard immediately goes to pray. Jessie is the first to talk to him, even crying. The girl is a gamer. If Howard stays, there’s no way he’d target her for that moment alone.
Jessie about Howard. “I feel like we’re really close.” I would have loved a “FOOTAGE NOT FOUND” title card there.
McCrae wants to separate Howard and Spencer so he can have Spencer to himself. There’s a Fatal Attraction joke in there somewhere.
McCrae says that Elissa must be in on Helen’s deal with Aaryn. Do these people pay attention to the people in their own cast? This is the girl who wouldn’t even hug Gina Marie after she was nominated.
Spencer: “I don’t believe anything this lying pizza boy is saying. He says Howard’s a beast? Howard hasn’t won anything yet… he’s not controllable by he or Amanda.” Spencer, for all his annoyingness, is definitely one of the more astute players.
“Are those…cookies?”- Candice for quote of the episode.
Howard decides to talk to everybody in a house meeting. He starts by saying “irregardless.” As far as house meetings go, it’s one of the most disappointing.
Judd: “People say I’m hard to understand, but I have no idea what Howard’s talking about.” Howard speaks in riddles and clichés. You need to transcribe his words and study them carefully to fully get what he’s saying. That’s one of the reasons he seems like such a threat. Nobody knows what’s on his mind because they don’t have access to Google Translate.
When Howard talks, he looks at Andy, which causes a pretty funny DR freak out from the ginger pre-schooler.
Spencer: “That speech was a flop.”
Howard: “I’m glad I got that off my chest. Message delivered, message received.” Oh, poor, sweet Howard. No.
McCrae: “We can assume anything from what he said.” That’s exactly the problem. They can assume, so they will assume.

Part Two: God Bless America

Yet another McCrae and Amanda segment. Stop, Big Brother. Stop.
Elissa floats her idea that the giddiness Andy is experiencing is due to his new MVP status. McCrae and Amanda nod politely but shoot it down immediately after she leaves. Maybe they don’t think so highly of him after all.
Amanda is the MVP nomination. I have never felt more patriotic.
Howard: “Somebody up there loves me.”
Howard points out that Amanda is the biggest threat in the game. You’d think that the DRs that followed would be full of people agreeing but Helen The Mastermind is the first to say that she’s not leaving no matter what.
I was really hoping that Amanda being MVP meant that they’d show some of the vicious, nasty, violent things she says as editing justification. But no such luck. She’s the source of the show’s campiest DRs, like a low rent Britney, so they’re going to hold on to her good edit for as long as possible (aka forever.)
Other veto players are Candice and Jessie.
Candice is wearing Andy’s cat shirt. Since Aaryn has tainted the bear shirt, I will have to become a crazy cat shirt fan.
Helen is named host and she jumps up and down like a kid. Her childish enthusiasm went from endearing to obnoxious.
McCrae wants to put a “thousand kajillion dollars” and his life on Howard being MVP. Can that be the clip Julie shows when he’s leaving the house?
McCrae: “Why would anybody else do it?” Why would anybody want Amanda out? Because she’s running the entire house. Is the paying attention to his own game?
Aaryn: “Now it’s definitely not America.” And what exactly is she basing that on?
Spencer thinks it must be Elissa and Candice agrees. I wish that Julie would tell them it’s America so that they can feel foolish.
Amanda doesn’t like being put up by “some anonymous person” but she had no problem wielding Elissa like a weapon when she was MVP.
Weird close up of a microphone. Phallic imagery overload.
Amanda goes to talk to Howard and he goes off on one of those weird tangents. She is the first to tell him that he makes no sense. His response is more weird rambling.
Amanda to the camera: “Did you put me up?” Yes, gladly.

Part Three: The Land Before Logic

For once, I’m very glad for a comical segment that has no merits within the game. These players are so all over the place that it’s a nice change of pace.
Andy is attacked by a bird in the hammock. Reminds me of when Ollie from BB10 was afraid of the crow.
For the veto competition, Helen is dressed like Doc from Back to the Future. The special effects are so stupid and corny. I love it. This feels like a competition from the classic Big Brother.
The competition designer did such an amazing job with the dinosaurs and volcano.
The competition is a puzzle. This should be easy for Howard, a person who only talks in puzzles.
Howard: “I’m looking around at all the dinosaurs. If I don’t win this veto, they’re not going to be the only ones extinct.”
Candice earrings of the episode: black and white scales forming some sort of diamond.
Aaryn: “I don’t like puzzles. I don’t do puzzles.” Shocking.
Candice and Jessie bump into each other while running for their next pieces.
Howard said “fustrating.” He’s now dead to me.
The editors try very hard to make the game look compelling but really only the set pieces are interesting.
Spencer wins veto.

Part Four: Helen is a Really, Really, Really Bad Player

McCrae: “To me, this could not have gone better.” He says in front of Amanda. Who is still on the block. Genius.
Aaryn argues for putting up Candice. Nobody disagrees, nor does anybody say “hmmm, maybe it’s not a great idea for you to put up two black people.”
Candice thinks that Helen is a puppet master. No. No, no, no, no, no. Why is everybody so blind to Amanda?
Candice is the one person willing to tell Helen that it’s gross that she’s trying to keep Aaryn in the house, while pretending she’s good friends with Candice.
Helen doesn’t like that Candice implies she’s running the house. Which is weird since that’s what Helen wants people to think. That’s why she’s always bringing up “having the votes” and making deals on everybody’s behalf.
So, Helen decides to get her ally, Candice on the block. She lies and says that Candice threatened her. Helen is really, really bad at this game. Really, really bad.
“Threatening doesn’t really work.” –Amanda, the player who uses threats the most.
Spencer says “Hey, everyone, it’s time for the veto meeting” in the weirdest voice ever. What the hell was that?
Spencer uses the veto on himself. Aaryn replaces him with Candice.
Aaryn says, “Candice, saddle up” in the most passive way ever. Was everybody given sedatives before the veto ceremony?
Candice thinks that Helen and Elissa have a hand in the nominations. She wants to go after them. Seriously. Why do these people keep putting that on Elissa?
Aaryn calls Candice crazy. Good lord.

Related: Big Brother, Television, Reality, TV Networks, CBS

Photo Credits: CBS

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