'The X Factor' Has Too Much Filler: Recap Of Audition Night 2
September 14th, 2012 9:21am EDT
So I got started watching my DVR’d copy of ‘The X Factor’ last night and an impending early morning had me not wanting to waste much time. So I decided to skip to only the actual auditions and couldn’t help but notice something: This show has a ton of filler.
I skipped ahead six minutes before I actually saw somebody take the stage. It was another two minutes before he started singing. That’s right, eight minutes before anybody sang on a singing show. An hour-long singing show.
And it really is all just filler. There’s no real compelling backstories. No human interest bits of entertainment. It’s just a bunch of wannabes saying all the clichés like, “This is it for me.” “This is my dream.” or “There’s no Plan B.” interspersed with crane shots of the crowd.
All told, that was about 20% of the show. 20% of the show is absolutely nothing. And another 10% is the judges praising somebody we know they’re going to praise.
The best way to fix these audition shows: Trim the filler and show us what we want: Bad Auditions, Good Auditions and Simon ripping on the lot.
Of course, we did get some of them. Here are the best and the worst:
The Best Auditions:
This was the super-fabulous tech support guy. I’ve never gotten a tech support guy who was very entertaining, and I’m certain none of them have ever rocked a faux-hawk. This guys a cut above the rest already. Especially since he seemed so pleasant.
Wait? I’m supposed to be talking about his singing, right? Oh yeah, that was quite good. His voice was a bit broadway. A bit too showy, but he was so well connected and his pipes were so pure that I didn’t mind all the pizzazz present in his vocal stylings.
I’d like to see the judges pull him back a bit as I think he actually has the chops to be a more rock/soul guy, but so far he’s the best we’ve seen in all the audition shows.
This was the tiny little half-pint thirteen-year-old who almost had a good voice. Almost.
Again, and it’s going to become redundant so get ready, new readers, I don’t understand the point of putting somebody so young on these shows. They’re just not ready. Their voices aren’t matured enough. They’re only ever good for their age, but not for the world.
That was present here as she was just about the best singer a thirteen-year-old could be, but there were still a ton of flat notes, a total lack of breath control and an inability to really recognize the musical structure of the piece.
Still, let’s not get too bogged down in all that: She’s about as good as a thirteen-year-old can be. So good that Britney called her “Miss Thang”.
The Worst Auditions:
“The Hot People Montage”
Set off by somebody who was “working his eyes” at Demi Lovato, ‘The X-Factor’ treated us to a montage of pretty people whose voices did not match their appearance.
It’s kind of a testament to how we judge people in this country and what always disturbed me about the Susan Boyle video. Just because somebody is pretty we naturally assume them to be gifted? And because somebody is dowdy it’s such a shock that they’re good.
So, supposedly we were supposed to think all these people were good. Instead, it was just a bunch of eye rolls and Britney nos. See! Pretty people aren’t always so great!
This was the incredibly cordial young fellow in the Where’s Waldo shirt that brought Britney a bouquet of roses from ProFlowers.
He sang Britney’s “Circus”. Well, he didn’t really sing it, so much as he screamed along to it at one of her concerts while tripping on bath salts. Only it was much, much creepier than that. Especially when he stood still after the audition with a wry smile asking to give Britney her flowers.
If you see the words “stabbed” “Britney Spears” and “crazed fan” in an article in the next few months, expect to see a picture of this guy.
Best of Simon:
“It was like you had an argument with Britney Spears, got drunk and decided to scream the song at her.” – said to everybody’s favorite stalker, Patrick.
“Somebody behind the screen is singing that song. Not you.” – said in disbelief at the 13-year-old wunderkind that was Carly.
“You’re like the Jersey Shore meets the Kardashians.” – to the bucket of rude that was Lexa Berman.
Of course, he never met the self-proclaimed “Kim Kardashian of Staten Island” that was Angeline on episode one of ‘The Jersey Shore’.
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Photo Credits: Ray Mickshaw/ FOX