The Worst Movies Of 2012
December 17th, 2012 3:07pm EST
Not every film can win an Oscar, but these flicks could be winning "awards" for their complete lack of entertainment. These are the Worst Movies of 2012:
Oogieloves In The BIG Balloon Adventure: "Hey, kids love those interactive TV shows like Dora the Explorer, right? Let's make a movie like that - we'll be millionaires!" That's what the producers behind Oogieloves was thinking - except that they failed to realize their franchise had no name power, let alone anything near Dora's, and that most kids would be uncomfortable answering questions or dancing along to a film in a dark theater full of strangers. Ah, who am I kidding - the theaters weren’t full: Box Office Mojo calculates that each showing of Oogieloves had an average of 2 viewers.
A Thousand Words: The plot reads like bad Hollywood Mad-Libs: An agent who uses his "gift of gab" suddenly can't talk. Wait, didn't Liar Liar have the same story? Anyway, it was someone's brilliant plan to cast an expensive comedian to star (Eddie Murphy) and not give him any lines for a majority of the film.
One of the money: It's always a bad sign when you refuse to let your film be viewed by critics prior to its release. After being in development hell for around 13 years, it appears the world is safe from adaptations of the 17 other books in the Stephanie Plum series. We still have to deal with Katherine Heigl, however.
Playing for Keeps: Gerard Butler may be relegated to playing the same character for the rest of his life. This time, his good looking fellow with an accent needs to coach a soccer team to get back in the good graces of his detached son. Of course, all the soccer moms who can't get satisfaction from their normal, American husbands go gaga like tweens at a Justin Bieber concert.
Silent Hill: Revelations 3D: The video games have obtuse storylines at best, and the films are even worse. And yes, the 3D is part of the official title, even if you don't watch it in 3D.
"I'm watching Silent Hill: Relations 3D."
"Oh? I didn't know you got a new TV."
"I didn't. I'm watching Silent Hill: Revelations 3D in 2D."
The Babymakers: The minds behind Super Troopers make a film-length sperm joke.
Red Dawn: The more you think about the plot, the worst it gets. How can North Korea afford to invade North America? How can they hold several cities, when their entire military (even with reserves) is about the same population of New York City? And with an army the size of 8 million, how did they get defeated by a bunch of Midwestern kids? Most of the questions are answered by the fact that the producers wanted more money, and China wouldn't buy a film showcasing them as the baddies. Chinese and Korean people look totally alike, right?
Alex Cross: You wouldn't even know this Tyler Perry Alex Cross is the same detective played by Morgan Freeman in Kiss the girls and Along Came the Spider. Perhaps the only thing worse than the film is its poster tagline: "Don't ever cross Alex Cross." Really? How about "This time, the guy playing Alex Cross is a Cross-dresser," Or "Alex Cross make you wanna jump, jump!"
The Watch: Already referenced as a poorly-timed film, this flick about neighborhood watch losers dealing with a forced sci-fi tie-in is just not worth watching.
That's My Boy: Adam Sandler gets his own edition of bad Hollywood Mad Libs: This time, Adam Sandler is a profession: 13-year-old father (isn't statutory rape hilarious?) who problem: Has to come up with cash to pay off his back taxes. So, he plot: Tries to find his son so he can make money filming a "reunion" TV special. Cameo by D-list celeb: Vanilla Ice.
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