HU Column: Duck, You Sucker!

5/23/2011 4:58pm EDT | By: Jeremy Meyer

LOS ANGELES (HOLLYWOOD UNWRAPPED) -- Lots of blood, sweat and some screams! That’s what was expected Saturday night at the Los Angeles Sports Arena when the badges were exchanged for gloves and the chains where removed as the ex-convicts got into the ring. This, ladies and gentlemen, was “Cage vs Con’s” where the cities finest took on the cities dirtiest! It was like a real life version of “The Longest Yard” where correction officers took on the prison population in a full on hard knocks game of football. Except this time, the football field was exchanged for an MMA ring! Felony fights has done this for home consumption for a while. This year, it took place on the day that was supposed to be the end of the world. They took over the sports arena for 10 fights and 8 hours of concerts from Too Short to D-Pain.

When I arrived at the venue, things started off on a Shitty note straight out of the gate! That,obviously, is never a good thing. I was told to get to the venue at 4:30 pm if I wanted to cover the supposed star-studded red carpet. I arrived when they asked and it was an absolute cluster Fuck! It seemed as if no one really knew what was going on. There were questions from where media was supposed to check in and where we should go to cover the fights in the octagon. I basically had to walk around and do nothing for nearly 4 hours as we were asked to get there early and nothing was going on! I believe the highlight of the night wasn’t the fighting in the octagon. I didn’t stay long enough to catch any of the fights,unfortunately. The highlight was the fighting around the venue and on the floor with the audience/fans!

I spotted one girl who was supposed to be with one of the vendors who went down to the floor and was dancing on the cage. For some reason, that’s the thing to do at MMA events like this. One of the CSC staff security girls took charge. With the help of the normal over weight people who usually work for CSC, they removed the girl on the cage. Not before the security guard got in this girls face. When she returned from the scuffle, she had a smile on her face like a girl who just had the best time of her life and an orgasm that she will never forget! That’s one security lady who actually enjoys what she does for a living!

A little bit after, I ran into Julie, who’s a 22 year old girl from Witchita Kansas who was kicked out for....want to take a guess? Climbing and dancing on the cage! She said they kept calling her a Whore and she was actually a stripper at the Blue Zebra in Burbank. While hanging out, we over heard on the security radio that one of their guys,who worked for Felony Fights had been jumped in the locker room. I was surprised that an attendee jumped a guy working security. Well, I guess I can’t complain since most of the security and people in the audience looked very suspicious.

When I finally made it down to the cage, I found a seat and was waiting for the actual fights to begin when I was told that they needed my seat for some models! I couldn’t believe it and asked “Are you kidding me? You’re actually kicking the media out because the models need a seatThis promotion has ALOT to learn as for hosting an event like this! The sports arena is the wrong venue for this kind of event as it’s to big. I do wish them a lot of luck in the future but,at this point, it was total chaos and very unorganized! I would also suggest they hire a security unit for future events who actually have experience with events that are this large. Keep an eye out for a future article regarding the complete ineptitude of the CSC Security team

Hollywood Unwrapped by Jeremy Meyer is an opinion column. The opinions expressed in this column are solely the opinions of the columnist and are not necessarily the opinions of this publication or any other outlet that publishes this column.

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