10 Presents To Give To Naughty And Nice Celebs
December 14th, 2011 2:00pm EST
I must confess that I’m known for giving the best Christmas presents. With the big day less than two weeks away, I’m putting on my bedazzled Santa hat and taking over gift-giving duties for 10 celebs who have been naughty and nice this year.
It’s hard being a fan of an actor as troubled as Lindsay Lohan, who seems to be a magnet for mugshots, poor decisions and merry-go-round trips to the L.A. County Jail. My present to the star currently gracing the cover of Playboy in an awkward, overly airbrushed spread, would be the advice and guidance of a celebrity who have rebounded from their downward spiral. That would be Robert Downey, Jr., who overcame his own addictions become the star of the “Ironman” and “Sherlock Holmes” franchises. In this digital age, it can be almost impossible to battle back from so many scandals, but I believe she can do it, especially with a little help from mentors and a lot of hard work. While I’m in the giving mood, I must gift her with a dye job that would return her fried platinum tresses back to the beautiful crimson they once were.
Despite what you think, it's tough being a Khloe Kardashian. Kim is known as the pretty sister with almost as many divorces as serial marrier, Jennifer Lopez, and Kourtney is the motherly business-minded one. So, I often feel for the often forgotten and ridiculed Kardashian. For Christmas, I would like to give her a radio show. I think Khloe, who is hilariously foul-mouthed and surprisingly grounded, can be entertaining on-air as we briefly saw in "Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami." With her relocating to Dallas in light of hubby Lamar Odom's trade to the Dallas Mavericks, this could be the perfect way for Khloe to grab her fifteen minutes without that pesky sextape.
In light of Ashton Kutcher’s infedilities, I want to cheer up Demi Moore in the most festive of ways by gifting her the craziest, most exclusive divorce party south of the North Pole. The adorably, fabulous and hilarious host of Bravo’s “What What Happens Live” would host the party that boasts an all female guest-list—think Camille Grammer and Sandra Bullock—and some of Hollywood’s most scrumptious male musicians, like Robin Thicke, Maroon 5, and Adam Lambert, providing the tunes. It sounds like the perfect way for Ms. Moore to get her groove back.
After making the world’s shortest performance in the world’s tightest dress at the American Music Awards last month, I have decided to wrap up a new stylist for diva Christina Aguilera. I suggest former Rachel Zoe assistant and star of his own reality show, “It’s A Brad, Brad World,” Brad Goreski (premiering Jan. 2 on Bravo), because while he loves all things elegant, he’s not afraid to of outrageous styles either. If anyone can charm Christina out of those atrocious leggings, it’s Brad. I’d much rather have people raving Aguilera's mesmerizing voice instead of ragging on her fashion fails.
My gift to former 'N Sync member JC Chasez would be a record deal. It has been years since “America’s Best Dance Crew’s” toughest judge has unleashed those powerful pipes and eccentric style on the world of music (his solo effort—an underrated album called “Schizophrenic”—was released in early 2004). So I was delighted and rendered misty-eyed by Chasez's show-stopping performance at Trevor Live (an event for The Trevor Project, a non-profit organization providing suicide prevention services for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning youth) earlier this month. Chasez seems content with nurturing young talents on his dance competition show and writing and producting for artists, such as “Glee’s” Matthew Morrison's self-titled solo effort, but the best way he could inspire future musicans would be to utilize this soulful voice and high-energy performances and show them how its done.
If you want to see to JC's performance, check out the video below.
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After watching Eddie Cibrian’s ex, Brandi Glanville, classlessly hobble her way through a 'friend of the housewives' stint on “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,” I have less wrath towards the tweet-happy, incredible, shrinking woman, Leann Rimes and the unbelievably hot Eddie Cibrian cheating on their spouses with each other. And I'm also worried about the country singer's health as she appears almost emaciated, yet proudly flaunts her new, bonier figure. Thus I plan to give Mrs. Cibrian a never-ending gift certificate to an All-You-Can-Eat buffet in Los Angeles. Santa also chipped in a nice assortment of cookies too.
I’m not even going to try to hide my bias for the talents of “Supernatural” star Jensen Ackles. I recap the devilishly thrilling sci-fi show, and I’ve been a fan of him since his early, Emmy-nominated work on "Days Of Our Lives." So much has changed in the past seven seasons of "Supernatural," except for Ackles amazing performance that grounds the fantastical plots with sobering emotion and laugh-out-loud humor. My Christmas gift to him would be an Emmy nomination. As a confessed television-aholic, I understand that there are dozens of actors turning in powerful performances that don’t get recognized, but I know that if Ackles were nominated, he’d win the award on his own merits.
She dazzled in “Crazy, Stupid, Love.” She slayed on “SNL.” She wowed in “The Help.” Yes, there’s a reason why Entertainment Weekly named Emma Stone as one of the Entertainers of the Year in its current issue: she was everywhere this year. My gift to her would be an extended luxury vacation. If anyone deserves to languish on a Fijian beach or eat their way through France’s best cafes for the holidays, it’s Stone.
I miss the days when you actually had to be talented to be famous. Kelly Osbourne, daughter of rocker Ozzy Osbourne, has a career, thanks to her family’s reality show and weight loss after a stint on “Dancing With The Stars.” Now a pundit on E! “Fashion Police,” she criticizes hardworking actors and musicians on their fashion choices every week. Osbourne has scathingly slammed Christina Aguilera and even Kate Middleton. I’m not sure how she’s qualified to be a fashionista (being the face of Lourdes Leon and Madonna’s clothingline, Material Girl, doesn’t count because her boss is a 15-year-old). My present for her would be a muzzle, silencing her useless criticisms. Actually, I think that’s a gift for us all.
“Desperate Housewives” is just a handful of episodes away from completing its eight-season run, and come pilot season, some of the highest paid actresses on television will be looking for jobs. I’d like to pluck my favorite housewife, Eva Longoria, from the most glamorous of unemployment lines by gifting her with her own show. Longoria’s Gabrielle Solis is conceited, devious, loving and hysterical--a testament to Eva's mad acting skills. I’d love to see Eva in a guilty-pleasure dramedy with a colorful cast on the channel that created the stellar "Suits" and the addictive "Burn Notice": USA Network.
What presents would you give celebrities for the holidays this year? Hit up the comments section!
Related: America's Best Dance Crew, Andy Cohen, Ashton Kutcher, Brad Goreski, Brandi Glanville, Burn Notice, Christina Aguilera, Crazy Stupid Love, Dancing With The Stars, Demi Moore, Desperate Housewives, Eddie Cibrian, Emma Stone, Eva Longoria, Glee, JC Chasez, Jensen Ackles, Kate Middleton, Kelly Osbourne, Khloe Kardashian, Kim Kardashian, Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami, Kourtney Kardashian, Lamar Odom, Leann Rimes, Lindsay Lohan, Lourdes Ciccone Leon, Madonna, Matthew Morrison, Rachel Zoe, Robert Downey Jr., Suits, Supernatural, The Help, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Starpulse Exclusives, Celebrity, Relationships, Cheaters, Controversies and Scandals, Divorce, Pop, Break Ups, Arrests, DUIs, Substance Abuse & Rehab, Video, Sexy Celebrities, Fashion, Successful Celebrities, USA, The CW, MTV, BRAVO, Hairstlyes, WENN Photos, Athletes
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