38 Amazing But True Facts About Luis Guzman
January 16th, 2013 1:41pm EST
One of the most prolific and indispensable character actors of the last 30 years, Luis Guzman is a walking time capsule of our generation. But did you know that Arnold Schwarzenegger's trusty co-star in "The Last Stand" has lived a sort of Paul Bunyan-esque life? We've compiled some fun facts about Luis that you may not have known.
In the time it takes you to read this sentence, Luis will have acted in nine different movies. In the time it took you to just say "Really?," he was in five more. You can hand Luis your script and he'll have it memorized by three days ago. Some high schools have assigned Luis' IMDb page as summer reading and even the better students find it difficult to finish because of its length. He took all of 2010 off from movies to prove he could do it. When he did, Luis confessed he had actually been in 30 movies in 2010. Luis is fluent in over 70 languages but does not speak a word of Spanish. The Wilhelm Scream once confessed, "I could never do the amount of movies that Luis does." Luis turned down the role of Dos Equis' ubiquitous "Most Interesting Man in the World," explaining that he "doesn't do biopics." The film "Gone With the Wind" has only one "Special Thanks" credit: Luis Guzman. Amazingly, Luis wouldn't be born for another 14 years. The famous SNL sketch revolving around "Bill Brasky" was originally written about Luis. This is bullet point 11; assuming you're reading these in order at an average adult reading level, Luis was in 57 movies since the beginning of the article. In "Traffic," Luis's character is [SPOILER!] killed by a car bomb — or so we think. Actually, the prop car couldn't handle so much awesomeness and was forced to self-detonate. Naturally, Luis escaped unharmed. The Supreme Court ruled in 2003 that no film in the history of cinema was even worth watching before Luis began to act. Among others, Martin Scorsese famously agreed with the ruling. Luis once got on the 6 train in New York City and said to himself, "Luis even rides the train among the people. Got to, got to, got to." There's video evidence of this: Though he appears to be short, Luis actually stands at 7'2". He insists on being filmed to look short so as not to make people feel intimidated. Most people are anyway. Luis never watches his own movies; as such, he hasn't seen a movie since 1982. Luis does not know what an Academy Award is, nor does he care to find out. People have been known to send postcards to their loved ones when halfway through Luis' IMDb page. "If you ask me, it's a real, live, human piece of **** without Luis Guzman." — Chicago Sun-Times film critic Roger Ebert, on Coppola's "The Godfather." Luis won the Heisman Trophy in 1977. Every time Chuck Norris hears a "Chuck Norris" fact, he appears genuinely confused and asks, "Don't you mean Luis Guzman?" Though many feel he would have been perfect for the role, Luis turned down the role of Abraham Lincoln in "Lincoln" and in fact suggested Daniel Day-Lewis for the part after director Steven Spielberg stopped crying. Luis starred in a lighthearted short called "I Kicked Luis Guzman in the Face" in 2008. The film is banned in 147 countries and is seen as offensive. We're up to 124 movies that Luis has been in since the beginning of the article, by the way. In 2004, a family in Dearborn, Michigan was arrested and sentenced to 35 years in prison for filming a home video of their children on Christmas morning and not including Luis Guzman in the footage. Luis spoke to the judge, however, and the family was subsequently freed. The family spends every Christmas with Guzman now. It's not awkward. Luis doesn't see the fuss about Kate Upton. Kate Upton has a crush on Luis. This happened once: Though he ended up choosing Delaware senator Joe Biden, a potential Obama-Luis Guzman ticket was said to have polled at 91% in July of 2008.Luis was the first person to declare his dislike of the band Nickelback.A noted humanitarian, Luis is known to show up when people are moving into their apartments just to assemble their IKEA furniture.The Pope's first tweet was the following: "Can NOT wait for "The Last Stand"! LuIs GuZmAn AlL tHe WaY. #SoExcited".Mark Wahlberg has acknowledged multiple times that he could beat up any actor in Hollywood, "except Luis Guzman."Up to 168 movies since the beginning of the article.Though he doesn't care for your opinions on the finale of "Lost," Luis will hear them on the finale of "The Sopranos."Luis thinks salads are "for the weak" unless (oddly) the salad features garbanzo beans.The 2011 film "New Year's Eve" featured every working actor in the history of the movie industry, except for Luis. As such, the film made $19.47 at the box office.Luis has no interest in fun facts lists, even his own — unless it's a movie he's in called "Fun Facts Lists." Then he cares very much.
Photo Credits: Lionsgate , PR Photos