18 Terrible Celebrity Baby Names
June 25th, 2013 12:21pm EDT
In case you haven’t heard, the most important baby of our time has been born. That’s right, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have bestowed upon the huddled masses their perfectly combined genes in the form of one blessed bundle of joy – a beautiful baby girl named North West.
Did you expect anything less from these two? Though many outlets had previously reported that the chosen one had been given the name “Kaidence Donda West,” Kim and Kanye went with the much-speculated North instead, and will call their little girl “Nori” as a nickname. Kanye has helpfully explained the unusual name’s origin for plebes who might be wondering why the famous couple named their baby after a direction, and not something more normal, like Karen or Kanyetta. It’s because there’s “nothing North of North.”
Has that sunk in yet? Now, before you get all Judgey McJudgerson and claim this to be the worst celebrity baby name of all time, take a look at these fifteen children who are walking around with far worse monikers than little Nori. When the future entrepreneur/rap sensation is a teenager, she just might be glad her parents stuck her with her unique name, and not something like say…Pilot Inspektor. See if you can top these in the comments.
Audio Science - Fostering a love for music and the STEM fields in your child is a wonderful goal, but maybe forcing him to live life with a name that sounds like a Radiohead album is a bit much. Shannyn Sossamon put a lot of pressure on her baby with this name – what if the kid’s into the liberal arts?
Bandit Lee - The My Chemical Romance frontman is known for his taste for the macabre and his quirky stage persona. But there’s nothing dark about naming your daughter Bandit, Gerard Way; something tells us Bandit’s name will invoke less images of outlaws, and more of puppy dogs instead.
The Oliver Family: Buddy Bear, Daisy Boo Pamela, Petal Blossom Rainbow, and Poppy Honey Rosie - Someone should tell Chef Jamie Oliver that advocating healthy eating does not require adopting the hippie aesthetic in every aspect of your life. The poor Oliver children are now stuck with the world’s most sunshine-y names, suited better for pint-sized peddlers of free love and flower power, rather than eventual functioning adults with full-time jobs.
Bluebell Madonna - Spice Girl Geri Halliwell paid tribute to another pop diva when she gave her daughter that…interesting name. But Bluebell? Milkmaid and material girl do not mix.
Jermajesty - Listen, it has to be hard having eight kids, let alone finding eight unique names for every one of them. But when Jermaine Jackson wanted to pass on his name to his progeny, a simple “Jermaine Jr.” would have sufficed. This tribute was a royal blunder.
Kal-El - People make fun of Nicolas Cage for his movie roles, but now they have a solid, legitimate reason – he seriously gave his son Superman’s Kryptonian name. Even Superman himself was able to disguise himself as plain, normal Clark Kent during the day.
Blue Angel - U2’s guitarist The Edge had a leg up on Beyoncé and Jay-Z when he named his daughter Blue Angel. Hey, when your dad goes by a ridiculous moniker, you’re bound to get slapped with one as well.
The Zappa Family: Diva Thin Muffin, Dweezil, and Moon Unit - Rocker Frank Zappa didn’t play favorites when doling out the crazy names to his three children. He clearly also wasn’t stingy with the drugs at the time, either. Diva, Dweezil and Moon Unit are all equally creative names, but Diva Thin Muffin is a bit unfair to slap on a little girl, don’t you think? Way to put body image pressure on her for life, Dad.
Pilot Inspektor - Jason Lee played a man with extremely bad judgment on My Name is Earl, and art imitated life when naming his son, Pilot Inspektor. AT LEAST spell “inspector” traditionally if you’re going to do it!
Speck Wildhorse - It’s fitting that John Mellencamp gave his son an animalistic middle name; after all, he has been known to add “Cougar” to his own throughout the years. But all “Speck” conjures is tiny bits of dirt and dust. Not a fantastic combination for the real world.
Tu Morrow - Just say it out loud. Slowly. Tu Morrow. TuMorrow. Tomorrow. REALLY, Rob Morrow? The actor and his wife willingly subjected their poor daughter to a lifetime of Annie serenades and lame jokes, and for that they should never be forgiven.
Apple - Leave it to Gwyneth Paltrow to start the weird baby names trend before it was fashionable. Apple, her daughter with husband and Coldplay frontman Chris Martin, got her unusual moniker because it was “sweet and wholesome.” So are a lot of foods – maybe pregnancy cravings clouded her judgment?
Bronx Mowgli - When Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson gave birth to the future of pop rock, they made sure to give him a name that nobody would forget, either. Is his first name where his famous parents conceived? Combine that with the namesake of a Disney character, and you’ve got a mouthful.
Bear Blu - Earth mama Alicia Silverstone made headlines when a video of her regurgitating food for her baby like a bird went viral. Naming her baby Bear Blu is just another item to add to her controversial parenting list. Poor kid sounds like a resort destination in Alaska.
Moxie Crimefighter - Master illusionist Penn Jillette can’t make this brilliant idea disappear: naming his daughter Moxie Crimefighter. Sure, everyone wants their little girl to have oodles of moxie, but it’s an attribute, not a name. Crimefighter is strictly a profession, of course.
Related: Alicia Silverstone, Ashlee Simpson, Frank Zappa, Gerard Way, Geri Halliwell, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jamie Oliver, Jason Lee, Jermaine Jackson, John Mellencamp, Kanye West, Kim Kardashian, Nicolas Cage, Penn Jillette, Rob Morrow, Shannyn Sossamon, The Edge, Starpulse Exclusives, Celebrity, Births & Pregnancies, Celebs & Their Kids, Funny, Evergreen
Photo Credits: Lil' Kim - PacificCoastNews.com , Kim and Kanye - PacificCoastNews.com , Shannyn Sossamon - Tommaso Boddi / PR Photos , Gerard Way - Albert L. Ortega / PR Photos , The Edge - Andrew Evans / PR Photos , Geri Halliwell - Landmark / PR Photos , Jamie Oliver - PacificCoastNews.com , Frank Zappa - Shore Fire Media , Jermaine Jackson - Pixplanete / PR Photos , Nicolas Cage - PacificCoastNews.com , Penn Jillette - PRN / PRPhotos.com , Jason Lee - David Gabber / PR Photos , John Mellencamp - Daniel Locke / PR Photos , Rob Morrow - Glenn Harris / PR Photos , Gwyneth Paltrow - Pedro Andrade/KVS, PacificCoastNews.com , Ashlee Simpson - David Tonnessen, PacificCoastNews.com , Alicia Silverstone - TS, PacificCoastNews.com , ,