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'Real Housewives of New Jersey' Recap: Hair-binger of Doom

August 19th, 2013 12:30pm EDT | Samantha  Wilson By: Samantha Wilson

melissa

Teresa and her girls come over to Melissa’s house for a playdate. Remember, this is the post-retreat world where everything is peachy, but still kind of tender. While their young children play downstairs in Melissa’s abandoned recording studio unattended, the women talk about their respective projects.

Teresa is launching a haircare line, which she allowed Twitter to name (Milania Haircaire). Sure, this is the first time anyone has ever heard of it, though. Melissa shows her the mock-up of her book cover, which is the photo of her sassily standing on her staircase. She looks beautiful, and Teresa tells her as much, but she takes the opportunity in her talking head to say that a book about marriage should probably have Joe on the cover too.

Melissa also takes the alone time with her sis to bring up the slew of cheating rumors that have been popping up in the tabloids, starting with that dinner Teresa had with Penny and Jan. Teresa just tells her to ignore them, because if they’re not true, they’ll just go away. WHAT?

Meanwhile, Jacqueline comes back from Beverly Hills and her tummy tuck to a very excited family; apparently they missed their mom – and Chris missed having her take care of them, he looks exhausted.

Kathy, looking like Carmen San Diego in a floppy red hat, makes the mistake of going grocery shopping in public with her awful husband. Richie proceeds to tell the women working in the bakery that his wife could bake Italian desserts better than whoever their distributor is, and tries to bully them into giving her a job. It’s embarrassing, especially because Kathy doesn’t want to work there, and the store isn’t even hiring. He tells her some macho BS about respecting him as her husband, and sulks for the rest of the trip.

But his mood lifts later when he goes out with Joe Gorga and Chris to a cigar bar. Joe wants to do something fancy for Melissa’s birthday. Since nobody seems to remember the horribly time they all had in Napa or the Dominican Republic, Richie suggests the whole group goes to a spa in Arizona together. Teresa and Joe included. Yay?

Teresa invites Melisa to the launch party for Milania haircare line, and tells her something puzzling: Penny and Jan will be there. They own salons? She tells her it will be a good chance for her to confront them about the rumors, with Teresa behind her as support. What are sisters for? Melissa reluctantly agrees.

At the party, Jan waltzes up to Melissa and tells HER she needs to apologize for the “nasty” things she has said after hearing she went to dinner with Teresa. This sets Melissa off, and they get into a full-blown confrontation. But Jan refuses to back down, and insists that Melissa has cheated on Joe. Teresa sits by and does nothing. Melissa tearfully declares her friendship with Jan over as Jan walks away.

But the drama is just starting. Penny, who it turns out has never actually even met Melissa or Joe, walks up. She’s been spreading these cheating rumors and even giving quotes to magazines just based on hearsay from “people she knows.” Strangely, Teresa only gets involved to get Penny to tell Melissa and Joe that she wasn’t involved in this situation, or the fashion show/stripper incident. There’s a weird vibe, like she’s controlling the conversation and Penny can’t actually tell them what’s going on.

Is Teresa hiding something? Melissa and Joe sure think so, but for the sake of “progress,” they’re letting it slide…this time.

 

Grade: C

Stray Observations:

-That conversation between Lauren and Vito was brutal. Not wanting to get engaged yet is one thing, but flat out telling the guy that he’s your second priority to your business is another. Yeesh.

-Teresa admitted it, Milania is her favorite. It’s okay, she’s everyone else’s too.

- Joe Gorga: “I wish I was a girl, I’d be laying bitches out.”

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