'Keeping Up With The Kardashians' Recap: Kardashians Chainsaw Massacre
Having moved on from being obsessed with Kylie’s tumblr and being the cool sister, Kim finds something else to be obsessed about: eating her own placenta. It’s all she can talk about. The rest of the family thinks it sounds disgusting, but Kourtney supports her because of the supposed health benefits. A chef even tells them how to cook it, which was a big mistake on his part (now he’s attached to them).
If the trash can full of candy wrappers is any indication, Rob hasn’t really made an effort to start losing weight or working out since that intervention episode at the beginning of the season. His sisters can’t have this, and are actually really worried about his depressive behavior and emotional eating, so they make a plan to talk to him about it.
Meanwhile, in Bruce news, the Bruiser is upset because Jimmy Fallon is apparently the first person in the world to make jokes about his face and now he has the audacity to ask him to be on his show. How dare he? Bruce wants to refuse to show Fallon “a thing or two,” but would Fallon even notice? He’s a comedian, after all. It’s his job to make fun of people.
Rob and Scott are taking a romantic car ride on the Malibu coast to go look at a car somewhere when they spot a shop and have to pull over. The woman who works there carves intricate wooden statues with chainsaws. When Rob wants to buy a Buddha for Kourtney (which is very sweet), the artist suggests that he comes back the next day for lessons so she can teach him how to make his very own.
Turns out, chainsaw art is what Rob needed to lift him out of his depression. When his teacher tells him he has a real knack for cutting wood, he looks like he’s going to cry. His first project is a bear, and he can’t wait to share his love for the craft with his family. But getting up at 7 am to chainsaw is driving Khloe and Lamar up the wall; they don’t want to upset him though, since this is the first thing that has made Rob happy in a long time. They gently suggest he goes to Kourtney and Scott’s house instead.
And, over at Kourtney’s house, she and Kim are formulating the most disgusting, morally imbalanced prank for their family. Since the rest of the family doesn’t support eating placenta, they’re going to “prank” them (and Jonathan) by buying some random’s placenta off the internet and cooking it up and serving it for dinner. That will teach them to be so close-minded, right?
Bruce comes over later and talks to Kim about his apprehension about appearing on Jimmy Fallon, and she basically tells him to suck it up; he wasn’t the first person to ever make fun of him, and he won’t be the last, so he needs to adopt a better sense of humor. She says he just needs to go. Kris, on the other hand, is afraid that he’ll be a loose cannon and fly off the handle when he sees Fallon, letting his anger embarrass the family – especially since she heard Bruce wants the appearance to be funny.
Oh but he’s got an ace up his sleeve. He got his buddy Jeff Dunham (seriously, how did they become friends?) to write out a bit for him so that his appearance will be witty and funny; I remember seeing this episode of Fallon and it was very uncomfortable for everyone involved.
Back at the ranch, Kim and Kourtney summoned the chef from the beginning of the episode back to help them cook the placenta for their family/Jonathan dinner. Kim sees this as retribution for all the times people were mean to her, as well as a valuable health lesson. Okay. The chef is mildly horrified when he finds out it’s human placenta, as that might be kind of illegal, but he does his job.
The family is absolutely disgusted when they find out what they’ve eaten, as they should be. It’s like that scene from Rocky Horror where they’re all sitting around the table and find out they’re eating Eddie. Kris is obviously Frankenfurter in this scenario. Kim just laughs and laughs at her prank. You fed them human body parts, you weirdo.
Scott gets sick of Rob’s chainsaw hobby and throws away his bear statue like a normal person would react. Kourtney, fearing this will trigger another depressive episode, runs out and buys a similar-looking wooden bear, but it’s clearly not the same one. Rob knows --- and is surprisingly okay. He also isn’t depressed, according to him. His sisters just worry too much. It’s time to move out.
-I don’t understand Bruce and Jeff Dunham’s relationship, or how it happened, but it’s my favorite on the show. Forget Kourtney and Scott, Brandon and Leah, Khloe and Lamar. It’s Bruce and Jeff.
- There’s something very, very wrong about what Kim and Kourtney did to their family. You can’t force people to consume human materials, especially from a stranger from the internet, without their consent. And that’s not a prank!
-Cooking up the placenta
Kim: “It reeks.”
Scott: “Probably never douched”