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'Dark Shadows' Is Fun & Campy Despite A One-Note Performance From Johnny Depp

May 10th, 2012 7:01pm EDT | Two Jews On Film By: Two Jews On Film

Dark Shadows

For those of you, like myself, who aren't familiar with the television series 'Dark Shadows' which ran from 1966-1971, here are the film's cliff notes:

The year is 1750 (give or take) and a wealthy young man named Barnabus Collins (Johnny Depp) gets it on with his maid Angelique (Eva Green), who just happens to be a witch. She feels the love... Him… not so much. The witch gets pissed, turns Barnabus into a vampire, locks him in a coffin and then buries him deep in the ground.

Still not satisfied, Angelique kills Barnabus's one true love as well as his parents and then she spends the next two centuries destroying the rest of his family. This is one witch with major anger issues.

Now, let's fast forward to 1972. For those of you too lazy to do the math, about two hundred years have passed. Thanks to a group of construction workers, Barnabas is released from his coffin. He thanks the workers by eating them.

After quenching his appetite, Barnabus makes his way back home. But his super sized mansion known as Collingswood is not exactly as he remembers.

Two Jews on Film: By Joan Alperin Schwartz