Lindsay Lohan's Lesbian Love Letters

7/11/2007 1:19pm EDT
Lindsay Lohan
From the moment Lindsay Lohan entered rehab, she stayed in constant contact with her lesbian lover, Samantha Ronson, exchanging romantic letters through her MySpace page, Star has learned exclusively.

Lindsay and Samantha have been swapping reams of highly charged notes and text messages filled with desperate declarations of love, sources reveal, and they have been at it since Lindsay entered Promises treatment center in Malibu on May 28.

Many of the messages between Lindsay and Sam are far too explicit to print. But here is a taste of some of the tamer ones: “Babe, if I don’t have you in my life then I should just go die,” the rehabbing actress wrote in one late-night posting, after she and Sam had an explosive online lovers’ spat.

“Your [sic] all I have to live for, babe. I want to marry you and have children with you. I need you to live!” Lindsay typed. Hollywood DJ Sam, 29, responded that she didn’t think she’d fall in love again and it was Lindsay who restored her trust. While Lindsay tried at the start of her relationship with Samantha to keep it under wraps, “the rumors about them hooking up are totally true,” a pal told Star in April. “Lindsay is trying to be low-key about it, but everyone knows that they are way more than friends.”

Sure enough, Samantha was on hand to spin the records when Lindsay took a break from rehab to celebrate her 21st birthday on July 2 at a Malibu beach house.

Lindsay LohanSamantha has been getting all of Lindsay’s electronic love! The messages, responses and comments they’ve exchanged are displayed on restricted pages, you must be invited, then “added” as a friend. Lindsay has 75 in her private circle of cyber friends including Lauren Conrad, Nicole Richie and Lindsay’s little sis Ali. In her Myspace profile, created on June 2, Lindsay lists her sexual orientation as “bi” and status “in a relationship.” Her page also contains five photo galleries, including some candid shots of an April 2007 getaway with Samantha in Tokyo, as well as images of the actress with an empty Jack Daniels bottle and what appears to be drug paraphernalia. “Lindsay is usually online at night,” a source tells Star. “She’ll send a message to everyone saying “I’m on,” and then she’ll chat with her friends using her Blackberry. Her communications with Samantha are often very dramatic.”

On June 6, the two exchanged some typically heated correspondence. At 11:46 p.m., Samantha wrote to Lindsay, “You still have me. I’m here for you. With you. She went on to say that she would quit doing drugs if only Lindsay would tell her that she loved her! At12:36 a.m. Lindsay replied, “I love you. You love me. Why don’t we f_ _ _ and make a family…” A few weeks later, during the early morning hours of June 20, the source says that the two lovebirds had a bizarre on-line chat that sent the newly sober star – who was unable to leave the Promises compound – into a desperate panic.

Samantha posted a response under the screen name “just a tomboy.”

She wrote that while she loved her very much. Lindsay should be with someone else, someone who didn’t cause her so much pain and who could help her stay clean and sober.

Lindsay, who uses MySpace under the code names “love” and “bella,” wrote back: “Babe, don’t leave me like this I F---ING LOVE YOU!” Their affair has always been tumultuous.

Lindsay and Samantha first met on the L.A. club circuit three years ago and have since developed an explosive relationship that Lindsay once describes as an “on-again, off-again” romance. On the morning of May 26, reports say a violent drug-and alcohol-induced screaming match erupted between her and Samantha just moments before Lindsay smashed her 2005 Mercedes SL-65 into a curb on Sunset Boulevard.

Lindsay Lohan“Sam was at Lindsay’s house but they were arguing because Lindsay wouldn’t acknowledge her as her girlfriend,” says a source. “When Lindsay got home [that night], she fought with Samantha again. At about 5 a.m., Samantha stormed out of Lindsay’s apartment complex off Sunset Boulevard.”

Lindsay drove up behind Sam, the source continues, and they exchanged some heated words. Samantha eventually got into the car and sped off. About 10 minutes later, Lindsay crashed her car, in the notorious accident that led to her latest stint in rehab. But the romance with Samantha picked up again online, and it continued to be just as volatile.

“It looks like they’re obsessed with each other, always saying things like ‘I love you’ and ‘I have to have you,’” an online friend reveals. And another source tells Star, Lindsay ends every day by giving Sam a “virtual kiss.”

“Go to bed babe,” Lindsay writes. “I love you – [signed] Lindsay Ronson.”

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