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Movie Theater Rant: 8 Annoying Things About Going To The Movies

June 3rd, 2008 9:11am EDT
movie theaterThere is something special about seeing a movie on the big screen in a packed house where the smell of buttery popcorn fills the air. Whether it be at the IMAX, AMC, or your small local theater chain, seeing a movie at the theater should be a pleasant experience. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. There are plenty of douchebags and annoying scenarios that can ruin anyone's moviegoing experience. This is a list of just that.

Annoying Cell Phone Guy

There are few people in in a movie theater that will piss you off like the idiot that talks on his cell phone and lets his phone ring during the movie. Even though this has been addressed by messages via slides in the movie theater before the previews start as well as commercials featuring famous directors (Martin Scorsese), it still is a problem. Letting your #@!&$% crappy ring tone ring for an entire minute during a movie does not impress anyone. People like this should be beaten. Theaters should follow the rules of Los Angeles's Arclight and just kick them out immediately. People that usually do this are: a) single, b) illiterate, and c) have some sort of criminal record.

Idiot Parent Who Brings Baby Into Movie At Night

If you can't afford a baby sitter, you probably should not be in a movie theater. Seriously, you people can't afford a measly 20 bucks or so to get someone to watch your kid for a few hours? Does your family hate you and want nothing to do with your kid? Babies are cute and all, but when they start crying just as the film starts, you will do what anyone else would do. Turn your head around to see where the hell that sound just came from and start to get really, really pissed off and annoyed. You probably will silently curse the mother. You may not be angry at the baby but instead your wrath will be focused on the idiot parent(s) who brought their child in the theater in the first place.

Movie TheaterStupid Ass Tall Guy Who Sits Right In Front Of You

This really isn't that much of a problem anymore considering the fact that most theaters nowadays are stadium style seating on a bit of slant, but it still can happen. Sometimes even if you are early to the show, and sit down 20 minutes prior, some clueless Joe will stroll into the theater and plop right in front of you when the entire #@#@$# theater is empty. Maybe these people just need a hug because this type of behavior screams for attention. The only attention that this type of person shall receive is a brutal ass kicking, Jason Bourne style. People that are super tall should be forced to sit in the back of the theater. But again, this isn't that much of an issue anymore with nice theaters.

Scum Of The Earth People Who Keep Talking

This can ruin anyone's movie going experience. People that #$#%## talk during a movie should be tortured, this is simply inexcusable. You are not in your living room, you are not at your friend's house, so shut the hell up. Sometimes the elderly might be confused on what is going on and converse with one another. Not excusable! It doesn't matter what age you are, you shut your damn mouth in the theater. It is rude, it is inconsiderate, and if you partake in this type of behavior, you probably were raised in a jungle or your parents kept you in a cage and you talk in the theater as a cry for help. At Los Angeles's Arclight, you are kicked out for this type of animalistic behavior. People should be fined hundreds of dollars for this type of idiotic behavior. Moviegoers did not pay their hard earned money on a ticket and popcorn to listen to a stranger run his mouth.

Assclown Who Unwraps Candy And Eats Loudly

Buying goodies from the concession stand goes hand in hand with seeing a movie, but like anything there is a certain etiquette that needs to be followed. Most of the time people will behave, but there is always those few absent minded people who decide to open the most tightly wrapped candy or chomp away on popcorn with their mouth open halfway into the movie. Seriously, why do people wait to eat candy or whatever an hour into a movie? Isn't the point to eat it after you sit or during the previews. You figure after an hour or people would be done eating whatever they bought. Seriously now, didn't people stop chewing with their mouth open at age 7? It isn't necessary to eat your food like a barbarian or a dog; it doesn't make the food taste any better.

Dude Who Keeps Leaving His Seat

This especially sucks if you happen to sit near the very end of the row. You know this type of guy, someone who has the bladder of a 5-year-old girl or that tub who needs to refill his popcorn and drink 3 times because they have free refills. It probably isn't a good idea to refill a large popcorn (the only type you can refill) when it is made with anti-heart oil and butter. But whatever the reason is, it is not ok to get up numerous times during a movie. You piss all the people off you have to say 'excuse me' to, especially if you are doing it repeatedly. Those people who have to take "important calls," just #$$&#*@@! leave already. What is the point on missing random 5 minute segments, why see the movie in the first place?

Douchebag Who Keeps Kicking/Bumping Your Chair

For whatever reason, some people think its ok to bump or move their feet in a way where it nudges the seat in front of them. To all assclowns: people can feel you bump our chairs when you partake in this extremely aggravating behavior. It isn't funny or nice to repeatedly bump the chair ahead of you. It doesn't matter if you have arthritis in your knees and have to stretch them out, either don't do it at all and suck it up or do it in a way where you don't touch the #$%$#*& chair. How would you like it if you were poked in the eye? You probably wouldn't like it very much, so leave the chair alone in front of you. It doesn't matter if it is a large person sitting in the chair and they accidentally kicking the chair. Cut back on the buttered popcorn and watch the damn movie from home. Just don't touch the chair. If you kick people's chairs you are in for an ass beatin.'

Parasites Who Save 17 Seats

Even the nicest of people can be pissed off when this happens. Your hands are full in a packed theater and you eye four seats sort of in the back of the theater. You are just about to walk down the row and some messy haired parasites say, "We are holding these seats for our friends." Theater seats should be first come first serve. It is one thing to save a seat or maybe two for people in the bathroom or someone running late, but it is not ok to save a bunch of seats during a crowded show. If you can't get your butt in the theater at a reasonable time, you aren't that interested in seeing it, plain and simple. If you were that interested, you wouldn't have your friend save eight seats by placing his stupid windbreaker over two seats and repeating "These seats are saved." LAME.

What are your movie pet peeves? Leave a comment below!

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Anthony Liccardello
Story by Anthony Liccardello
Starpulse contributing writer


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