11 Stars Who Will Never Be People's 'Sexiest Man Alive'
November 15th, 2012 2:04pm EST
Channing Tatum was named this year's Sexiest Man Alive by People magazine, the 24th guy to earn the superficial title.
Tatum joins the likes of George Clooney, Hugh Jackman, Harrison Ford, Denzel Washington and Brad Pitt on the list; which has been around for 27 years now; and we thought we'd have a little fun with it and come up with a list of the top 10 guys we think (and are pretty sure) will never be named "Sexiest Man Alive" by People -- or any other publication, for that matter.
It may seem a little mean, but it's all in the name of good humor; and if anybody can take it, it's these guys...
Prolific, versatile character actor Steve Buscemi may not have the best dental plan, but he's always popping up in some of the best roles. From his role as a hack kidnapper who memorably gets shot in the face in Fargo to his career defining role as Atlantic City's treasurer in Boardwalk Empire; he's become one of the most recognized faces in Hollywood. Buscemi has voiced Disney/Pixar characters (Monsters Inc.) and popped up in hilarious cameos in pal Adam Sandler's films like Billy Madison and The Wedding Singer. And one must not forget his super-creepy take as serial killer Garland Greene in Con Air. Especially singing "He's Got The Whole World In His Hands" while playing with dolls with a little girl in her back yard.
No one will ever know how the guy who tripped balls and quoted Willy Wonka in Super Troopers ever scored Christina Hendricks.
Dude sometimes looks like a lady, but he can sing, and we love Aerosmith. As for front man Tyler, well, he can get a little creepy looking and his choices of attire are also questionable (socks with sandals). But, as if you couldn't tell from American Idol, he's a great guy and we love him anyway. As for making People's top spot -- well, maybe in 1987 he had a shot, but the years and miles have begun to take their toll, and now he'll just have to dream on.
The SuperBad star has begun to give Oprah a run for her money in the weight fluctuation category. He may not be the sexiest star out there, but he's funny and has proved he's a great actor in Moneyball. Our favorite? Jonah voicing Hal Stewart/Tighten in MegaMind. Classic.
The lovable, versatile Giamatti might not be Brad Pitt in the looks department, but his acting range is unparalleled.
John C. Reilly
Sometimes it's tough to think that Reilly once starred as Mark Wahlberg's best friend and fellow porn star Reed Rothchild in Boogie Nights. Remember -- the guy who claimed that people think he looks "like Han Solo"? We're guessing his Rothchild landed a role in adult films based on pure "talent".
While Dafoe is not exactly the guy you'd equate with being sexy, he has starred in severaly highly sexualized roles. From the recent psycho-sexualized Lars Von Trier film Antichrist (he'll star in Von Trier's next sexual epic, Nymphomaniac) to playing opposite Madonna in the sado-masochistic thriller Body Of Evidence. He's even switched teams, playing a gay detective (who hates cuddling) in The Boondock Saints. We're not seeing it though.
The guy best known for playing the Beast in the (original) TV series Beauty and the Beast, Hellboy, and gun-dealing Clay Morrow in Sons of Anarchy, Perlman's career has been based on his awesomeness, not his looks.
The leading man in HBO's Girls may be a former marine, but he's not exactly the chiseled, Channing Tatum in G.I. Joe type, and watching him get it on with co-star Lena Dunham isn't exactly tantalizing. Then again, she's not exactly "Sexiest Woman Alive" material either.
Not a chance.
Related: Adam Driver, Channing Tatum, Geoffrey Arend, John C. Reilly, Jonah Hill, Michael Moore, Paul Giamatti, Ron Perlman, Steve Buscemi, Steven Tyler, Willem Dafoe, Starpulse Exclusives, Slideshows, Celebrity, Funny
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